A Post Originally Written For Instagram Towards The Start Of My Recovery:
Recovering from anorexia is exhausting…. the mental gymnastics that can go on are overwhelming, convincing and incredibly confusing most of the time!
Thoughts of how much to be eating, when to eat, what to eat, where to eat…
If I eat x now then can I still eat y later?
Is this enough, is this ‘too much’?!?
Wanting to eat everything with a soaring mental hunger and yet when you go to eat anything the panic freeze response sets in (again) and suddenly the ‘safe’ option seems like the best idea!
A wise person once said that in eating disorder recovery you have to ‘disengage your head’! Follow your animal instincts and follow actions that you know are TRUE to recovery…
Anything that is leading to a choice to be not eating, eating less or negotiating in any way is the eating disorder brain overthinking.
The only truth is that food in abundance is the path that will lead to recovery…. There can never be too much eating – day or night but there can certainly be too little!
Eating and not engaging in compensatory behaviours have to be the only actions taken, no matter what the mental gymnastics are doing.
Of course remembering this and believing it when the automatic fight, flight, freeze response to food hits is another matter but if health and happiness are ever to be found then there is no other option!
Image is from earlier today- breakfast part two – Chocolate twist in Costa… very yummy!