A Post Originally Written For Instagram Towards The Start Of My Recovery:
These cinnamon Danish pastries have been taunting me for a while now… When I see them I keep looking, picking them up, putting them back and allowing the eating disorder that small victory.
Today had been a tough day of high anxiety and frustration at the illness and myself for not beating it more than I am.
This afternoon though I connected with all the negative emotions I was feeling…
– anxiety and fear
– frustration and low mood
….. and so much more!
I decided to use all those emotions to drive change – not tomorrow but today and NOW.
Using the frustration at being afraid of eating outside the eating disorder rules to push myself to do just that. Face the fear head on and start an evening of full on eating!
Oh… and Netflix to distract and stop any urges to be active to compensate!
It’s not easy… the anxiety is still there but I am sitting through it and choosing not to believe the thoughts the illness is generating and I know recovery action despite the fear is the only magic pill I have to beat this illness.