A Post Originally Written For Instagram Towards The Start Of My Recovery:
Today is the start of a new week and I wanted to start it with a bang in terms of eating disorder recovery!
Overcoming an eating disorder can feel like a painfully slow process at times and the go low and slow approach that is often used in traditional treatment is one I have tried on several attempts to overcome this illness in the past and for me it just does not work!
Going slow in the incremental increases and weight gain just leaves too much room for anorexia to sneak in – meal plans quickly become restrictive in themselves (even if they are more food than before) and the slow weight gain makes every extra lb gained a longer and more torturous process than it needs to be!
Plus, I usually end up getting bored and trying to get on with living a life long before my body and brain are actually ready and inevitably relapse happens.
Having learnt so much about this illness, the science and what recovery really takes over the past years I know that for me to truly get well I need to make rapid and more extreme changes.
When increasing just a tiny amount is panic inducing, sitting for a short time feels torturous and gaining just a bit of weight causes anxiety- surely facing those fears in more extreme ways is better!
Plus – I have given over a decade to this shitty illness already… I don’t want it to take more of my life when I have the power to change it.
So, today is extreme change day!
I have set myself a much higher minimum calorie intake level to hit for the day and the aim too is to be sitting as much as possible!
I know this won’t be easy but it is more than necessary and after years of hunger and torturous movement compulsions, I reckon my body deserves a bit of food and a rest!