A Post Originally Written For Instagram Towards The Start Of My Recovery:
Let me talk about butter…
I think many of us with an eating disorder develop fears and avoidance of many food types and a common one is butter or spreads on bread / toast / bagels / pancakes etc etc
Despite eating much much more in recovery, some of these smaller restrictive automatic behaviours and habits can be easy to overlook – I might think – well I am eating x thousand calories now in a day – does it matter that I am not putting butter on my bread?
But – yes, it does matter.
We might overcome fears of eating more but true recovery is overcoming every fear related to eating, not compensating, weight gain…. Even the little ones!
I realised that I was eating much better, all types of breads and adding spreads but that I would still have a larger fear response when contemplating putting butter on!
I could add Nutella, jams, honey and spread them thickly but butter is one that I still avoided.
So, the time had come to buy the butter and start spreading it!
Adding butter to my toasted muffins this morning made them really tasty (especially with honey too!) and I know that I need to continue to repeat adding butter to whatever I can for my brain to learn that butter, just like other foods is not scary and actually makes food taste better!