A Post Originally Written For Instagram Towards The Start Of My Recovery:
This was a large triple chocolate cookie I had as I was starting to re-dip my toe into eating disorder recovery waters a few weeks ago…
I had bought the cookie with all good intentions and then kept it at home too scared to eat it for a few days, while its presence in the house would taunt me and drill a hole in my brain!!
Of course when I did eat it, shaking slightly, it was really really delicious!
Since then I’ve been doing much better at challenging more and more, eating more, resting more, gaining weight and endeavouring to respond to hunger but looking at this photo now, I realised I’ve not always repeated these more challenging foods I’ve been consuming and I don’t want things to become off limits or eating disordered fears again.
Therefore it is time to be more vigilant at repeating and repeating and adding and adding challenging foods and situations each and every day!
Responding to hunger and eating much more just by safer foods is not full recovery and won’t rewire my slightly messy brain enough! Daily vigilance is needed so as not to drift off course on this recovery voyage and repeating every fear over and over and over again is what I must do.