Complacency..

I have been thinking more today about complacency in eating disorder recovery.

Yesterday I reflected on my recovery journey so far and realised that I was making progress in recovery but I was pulling the plaster (band aid) off painfully slowly – one deeply buried hair at a time. .
I could keep going at the rate I am but that will take a very long time and when I have tried this approach in the past it has never worked as it did not involve challenging recovery action to a sufficient level to really rewire my brain and eradicate ED neural pathways.

Over the past few weeks my ED safety bubble has grown wider but then that has become more comfortable in itself, yet the temptation or even the automatic response is to stay there, not pushing much harder.

What I am currently doing is leading to some weight gain, people are becoming less worried and because of how mentally draining recovery is, it is easy to become complacent with where I am and not push on any harder.

I have allowed myself to take on recovery challenges and become more comfortable with some of these but I have not added many more in lately or kept repeating some of the previous harder ones.

Recovery only happens through consistent and persistent action and change. 
Facing ALL the fears and behaviours.
Recovery will not happen through willpower but without ongoing action.

Feeling uncomfortable with body changes or anxiety and so letting the ED keep a foot in the door & negotiating with it, will never lead to recovery (trust me I have tried that enough in the past!).
It is very easy to weight restore and convince the world things are much better while still very controlled by the eating disorder within and living in its bubble.
… NOT a recovery I want!

So, no getting complacent.
Time to keep pushing – 
Aiming to fully shift and change my mental state to a healthy one and not just weight restore with a f**ked up brain (excuse my language but when it comes to ED, sometimes only swearing is appropriate!).

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