A Post Originally Written For Instagram Towards The Start Of My Recovery:
A much needed good old fashioned cup of tea goes well with a pain au chocolat and was a temporary moment of relief from what was a highly emotional afternoon and evening.
It is definitely true that an eating disorder numbs us of all emotion…
I think in the last ten years of illness I felt very little (good or bad) and crying was incredibly rare!
I knew what appropriate emotional responses might be… when laughter was fitting or when sadness or shock fitted a situation and could act accordingly.
In truth, those emotions were still there but on an incredibly dampened down level.
Now, as the recovery process moves forward, true emotions are starting to wake up, although at the moment they are largely negative ones!
This afternoon it felt like ten years worth of distress and sadness hit me in one swift crushing embrace.
Not being used to emotions like this also makes it difficult to know how to deal with them, other than keeping on keeping on and trusting the feelings would pass.
And, yes, they do pass as everything is transient, even the most difficult times.
Keep eating, keep resting, keep up recovery action and fingers crossed the positive emotional side of being in recovery will start to show up too!
The only option I can see is to trust this process, no matter how hard it gets and believe the future will be better!