Today’s custard slice.
Yes, I have eaten these before….
However, this custard slice reflected another step in my eating disorder recovery.
This week, I have gone from despair, high anxiety and at times barely tolerable distress to establishing a new plan and recovery commitment within myself that has left me in a much calmer state of mind and able to see food and what recovery will take from a fresh perspective.
The path to recovery seems wider and clearer all of a sudden after a long time of stumbling through fog.
My anxiety levels have dropped significantly over the past two days and making much needed changes for recovery is currently throwing up little distress….
Today, I realised just how much things have shifted mentally when this morning my Dad presented me with this custard slice.
Less than a week ago if he had done this I would have felt immediate anxiety: it would have thrown me into an internal panic and turmoil…
My head would have gone into a whirlwind of thoughts over when I would eat it, how would it fit into my day -would I eat it??
Instead today I was just grateful. .
I like custard slices and there is no limit to how much I can eat – there are no rules as to when I eat or what… the only rules that were ever there were created by an illness that made my life miserable.
Today, I happily accepted this delicious offering and it formed just part of my day’s eating…
There was no anxiety, no guilt…
I did not want to throw the slice back or leave it in the fridge and beg someone else to eat it just so I did not have to think about it!
I ate it and I was glad.
This is recovery.
Finally, this feels like progress.