What a difference one week can make.
This time last week I was an emotional wreck.
I had hit a recovery wall.
I felt very lost, confused & overwhelmed.
I was convinced I would not recover.
I was very low.
Last Friday evening my anxiety & distress peaked & I had my first (& I hope last) ever panic attack.
Luckily my parents were with me to support, reassure & comfort me through it.
Over the following few days my distress level was barely tolerable.
I continued to feel confused with the recovery approach I was attempting to wade through.
I was constantly negotiating with the ED which was causing huge inner turmoil & my anxiety remained sky high.
I was angry, frustrated, irritable & for a while, I lost hope.
I nearly caved in but luckily my parents refused to let me.
Then, earlier this week everything changed.
Perhaps I had hit rock bottom & bounced off it?
Perhaps the low was needed to make me dig deep enough for a solution?
Whatever the cause, I found what feels like a recovery breakthrough.
I decided upon a new recovery approach.
I committed myself to it 100%.
I gave myself full permission to do everything I know it will take to eradicate ED from my life.
With this new mindset I’m so committed that the ED noise & negotiations (although still rumbling in the background) are no longer a factor. I’m tuning out.
There is no negotiation & I’m committed for me- I don’t seek permission or validation from anyone else.
This mindset shift has been an emotional game changer.
My anxiety levels are the lowest they have been for years, despite the fact I’m eating more than I have for years & not compensating.
My distress has faded away.
I haven’t cried in 4 days!
Tonight I’m in a mental space so far removed from this time last week I would never have imagined it could be possible.
I know I’m going to recover & this approach is right for me & could just work.
I feel positive!
Tough days lie ahead -I know that – but I will get through them.
For you… if you are in the fog & an emotional dip right now- please believe it won’t last forever.
You will find your unique way through- never give up!