Eating Disorder Threats: Are They Real?
I think the thing that keeps me & others trapped in an eating disorder, preventing full recovery, is believing the threats ED generates.
‘If you eat that then you must restrict & compensate later.’
‘Rest now & you will pay later as I won’t let you eat or will make you exercise harder.’
‘Eat more & rest -you will gain weight, you won’t tolerate it & will come running back to my safe, disordered life!’
‘Ignore my rules & routines & I will make you feel so terrible you WILL regret it!’
I know what I have to do to recover -eat, rest, weight restore, rewire a very disordered brain!
Yet these threats have time & again stopped me in my tracks.
BUT are the threats real?
As I progress in recovery now, I discover the truth behind the threats.
And, in honesty -yes, some of the threats are real.
I eat or rest more & later that day or the next, ED has bitten back with stronger urges to restrict or move & with intense anxiety & feelings of guilt & disgust.
I eat more, I rest more & yes I have gained weight.
BUT despite the fact it has felt unbearable at times & a large part of me has wanted to rewind & go back to the false safety of my ED bubble existence, I am learning.
I am learning the threats ED throws up might be true BUT I CAN TOLERATE THEM.
ED might make me pay later for a ‘recovery win’ but I can hold onto the sides & ride those storms.
I can then regain my strength, regroup my army & feel strong enough to push against ED once more.
I am learning I rest, I eat & yes, I will gain weight BUT that is also the point of recovery -my body needs to renourish & repair.
AND as I gain weight I learn I might not feel comfortable with it BUT I can tolerate it!
So, yes – some of ED’s threats are real BUT if we hold back from recovery action because of them we stay trapped. We never recover.
Some ED threats might be true BUT I CAN tolerate what ED throws at me for breaking its rules & if I can there is no doubt YOU CAN TOO.
WE CAN tolerate ED threats & in fact we MUST do so to recover.
And each time we do override ED, it gives us an inch more confidence & gets us one tiny step closer to recovery.