Today I got very angry at the eating disorder… perhaps nothing unusual about that.
But tonight it’s not so much my eating disorder I am angry at.
I’m pissed off about every eating disorder out there.
I am mad at this illness for the pain I know so well that it has inflicted and is still inflicting on so many truly incredible people.
My eating disorder peers are truly the most selfless, caring, conscientious, wise and most bloody amazing people I know.
And tonight I am desperately sad for the years of opportunities, love and laughter it has stolen from each of these wonderful people who deserve all these things and so much more.
And I am angry that this illness is still tormenting so many at this very moment- allowing them to believe they can’t eat when hungry, can’t rest when tired and that they have to keep living by ruthless rules.
I am mad too at society for not trying to understand people with an eating disorder better… at diet culture perpetuating disordered beliefs systems and at treatment models that should be saving lives, actually making lives worse.
And I’m grieving for every life lost to this shitty parasite of a disease.
And the only way I know tonight how to manage this anger and grief is to eat like the mad, pissed off and desperately frustrated person I am!
Tonight I am angry eating for everyone with an eating disorder… victims of an illness and a system where we must help ourselves if we ever want to recover.
Angry eating to get myself well so as to be strong enough to fight for changes the world needs to see to make sure this illness gets the recognition for how serious it is and the treatment put in place that so many desperately not only need but fucking well deserve!
NB… apologies for the swearing but I’m really quite fucking angry 😠!!
Please see my Changing Adult Eating Disorder Services page for more about my thoughts on why adult ED services need an overhaul!