Warning – use of swearing – don’t read if easily offended!!!
Ok… I was never going to post this because I thought it might scare or it might offend people.
However, I’m often asked what led me to jump from those murky recover waters we often find ourselves in…
That space between in the illness and in recovery, where we are eating a bit more, resting a bit more, starting to gain weight but it is all still very much on the eating disorder’s terms.
I look back on those days & shudder… but when in it, it is a part of recovery that feels impossible to escape.
And it took me a while, I will be honest!
However, eventually I did…. I managed to embrace a more full recovery approach and I am so glad I did!
If you don’t like the swearing F-word & you don’t like the F-word that the eating disorder hates to hear, please stop reading!
So.. eventually I had to get out of that neither here nor there recovery space and to do that I had to say FUCK IT!
Not only did I have to say Fuck It several times an hour(!), I also had to embrace the word and the concept of FAT and to stop seeing fat as a bad thing.
Most of us are terrified in recovery because we think we are going to get FAT & our ED brain says that would be worse than death. To overcome that ED stupidity I had to keep reminding myself that fat was good and if I get ‘fat’ that is bloody well ok too.
So, I made myself a recovery mantra and it works for me.
When the eating disorder is piping up… saying, ‘too much food’, ‘too much sitting’, ‘gaining weight too fast’, ‘going to get fat’…. this is what I alway say to myself:
“I will get fucking fat, fucking fast, eating a shit ton of food, sitting on my fat arse … so ED, please take your #bollocks and lies and f*&K off!!”
(Ok – I added that last bit more recently in honour of @hatsmama!!).
Recovery is tough but embrace it and find any way to get through it and if that means swearing and celebrating fatness, as I have, then do it!!