Over the last two days I really felt I had gone into brain overload.
A few things are going on in the background to my life…
Things that are stressful for anyone to deal with, let alone when in eating disorder recovery.
So with this and trying to keep pushing myself in recovery and continue the other things I do each day which are of little use or purpose to anyone but that I pressure myself to do regardless, I think my brain got a little overwhelmed.
The last two evenings I have felt like I hit sensory overload.
Any more data going into my brain and I was not sure I could deal with it!
And this then played out most acutely in the eating side of things.
As my brain felt overloaded, suddenly making decisions I can usually make quite easily now felt nearly impossible…
Deciding what to eat for dinner or a snack became a huge process of mental gymnastics once more and I was pulling things out cupboards and the fridge and putting them back, until all I could do was sit on the kitchen floor in tears and will my brain to stop whirring!
Sadly life isn’t going to stop completely so that I can do recovery but all of this made me realise I need to stop overloading the data my brain is asked to process where I can!
The mental work of recovery is still intense and if my brain is subjected to huge levels of stress and processing elsewhere, it’s going to take the automatic pathways it knows best in the illness as it is not always the best at multitasking to such a great extent!
I need to be kinder to my poor brain and release some of the burden on it where I can.
All the things I think are so important to do but really are not, I need to learn to let go and learn the art of not just physical rest but mental rest too!