This morning I woke with low rumbling anxiety and my eating disorder brain is using my growing body as it’s ammunition for the day and making my expanding flesh much harder to cope with.
This is translating as much stronger urges to restrict, move and avoid anything that could lead to even further weight gain… sigh… these thoughts, feelings and battles are getting old and boring and I have better things to be doing with my time!
It would be all too easy today to just eat much less, go for a good long walk and let the ED calm bubble world take over.
But that ain’t gonna do me many favours in the long run.
And I have not been through these past months to only come this far & slide back.
So I’ll draw my sword (?or food?) once again to face battle.
If I respond today to feelings of discomfort about being bigger by resorting to eating disorder behaviours then I won’t teach my brain that weight gain is a good thing and that I can keep eating and resting despite any weight I reach.
Instead I will remember that a big body is much more than ok – it is a future without this shitty parasite of an illness!
So… belly rolls, cellulite, pressing thighs, bat wings & double chins – keep on coming!
I ain’t gonna let you send me crying back to ED!
You are my trophies of war and my battle scars…
I welcome you into my life, so let us sit together and enjoy more cake & Netflix!