Wow… those early days of recovery eating could be pure mental torture when it came to trying to make a food decision. The agony and processing that an eating disorder brain will put us through in making a pure and simple choice of what to eat next is not even describable. And the sad thing […]
Category: Emotions
“You can’t change the past” – True. “Looking back with regret is never helpful”…. I am not so sure that one is true. The human body and brain are incredibly sophisticated and clever machines. Everything they do has a purpose and with that every human emotion has evolved for a reason. Emotions exist to help […]
“Christmas”…. one little word that can strike sheer terror and deep nostalgic sadness into the heart of anyone with an eating disorder. A time of year, those of us with eating disorders long to enjoy in the carefree and relaxed way people around us do and in the way we did before we became […]
When it comes to eating disorder recovery, it gets worse before it gets better. The side effects of recovery are often unpleasant, frequently distressing and at times just plain brutal! When I started out on this very determined and most definitely final recovery attempt a few months ago, I jumped into a process of eating […]
Throughout this eating disorder recovery journey so far, I have been through a range of emotions, of which many have not been hugely positive… But now there are days when I actually start to not just feel positive emotions, but I have felt relief, gratitude and actually a bit lucky. Over the past few months […]
Currently, when we talk about recovery from a restrictive eating disorder, the term ‘all in’ is often used. ‘All in’ refers to an approach where the person eats to their body’s real demands. They do not eat to a meal plan or to another form of prescribed amount of food, but instead really give in […]
Loneliness is something I think we all experience in one form or another through having an eating disorder and in recovery but is something we don’t often talk about. Lately, I am not ashamed to admit, I have been feeling really quite lonely at times and although loneliness is not a new concept in my […]
One thing common to many of us when we are in the depths of an eating disorder, is a regular feeling of being superhuman and invincible. We can be malnourished, at a weight far too low for our bodies, have a weak heart, struggling organs and a starved brain and yet feel energetic, mentally alert, […]
I don’t know if I am going to be able to put down in words what I feel in my heart about the friendships and relationships that have been victims to this eating disorder. Because, an eating disorder does not just affect the life of those of us who are ill… it impacts massively on […]
Nearly all illnesses that I can think of are categorised into whether they are mental or physical in nature. However, I am not sure I can think of one illness, large or small that does not have mental and physical consequences on the person. So why, I frequently ask myself, are we so keen to […]
The past couple of weeks have not been easy in recovery. I have had increased anxiety and a drop in mood across some of the days and it has been a bit more dippy in the recovery rollercoaster than it was for a while. Things have been feeling tougher again and the prospect of keeping […]
Yesterday I wrote about throwing my old / anorexic clothes away as I gain back a healthy body in this eating disorder recovery and the emotions that that has raised in me. One of the emotions that has come up is a form of grief for my old, sick, thin, ‘anorexic’ body… and I thought […]
Lately I’ve had more symptoms of depression in this eating disorder recovery. This is not unusual, it would be rare to go through ED recovery without experiencing a low mood! Within an ED, most people have some depression: living in the hollow, cold, isolated & tormented world of illness brings little joy, although when sick […]
The past few days I have had growing levels of anxiety and tonight it culminated in a bigger scale break down. Tears, frustration, anxiety and ongoing feelings of being very overwhelmed with life and with recovery set in. I sobbed and I hurt deep inside and I felt foggy about what I was even trying […]
Over the last two days I really felt I had gone into brain overload. A few things are going on in the background to my life… Things that are stressful for anyone to deal with, let alone when in eating disorder recovery. So with this and trying to keep pushing myself in recovery and continue […]
RECOVERING NOMAD 