After over a decade of life lost to a powerful eating disorder and attempts at ‘recovery’ that were never sustained, it has taken hitting rock bottom to finally truly understand what recovery is ultimately going to take.
It’s no good waiting for the magic time that recovery will be easier- the longer it goes on, the more powerful the illness becomes and the harder making changes is.
There is no magic pill to treat an eating disorder (oh how I wish there was!) and nobody can do this for me.
Ultimately if I’m ever to truly overcome this illness I have to take action and not tomorrow, not in an hour but today and in every moment I can!
Today was day one of real pushing into recovery ACTION with force…
Not increasing my intake a small amount and saying that that is good enough.
Not resting more today to ultimately be more active tomorrow.
Recovery takes changing everything together and in extreme ways.
Every small and large ED behaviour and restriction has to be addressed at once and together and the momentum of change needs to be sustained to power through to health, happiness and I really hope a better life again.
It feels awful.
The anxiety has been horrendous but if it means that to ultimately find freedom then I’ll take it with the cakes, burgers and resting to let my brain and body heal!!!
It’s day one but I ain’t going back now!