Don’t Tell Me To Keep Calm!

The reality of eating disorder recovery!!

I received a sign today from my Mum that said on it, “Don’t Tell Me To Keep Calm’!

Despite (in theory!!) being a grown adult woman, I returned to live with my parents recently in order to have support & give myself a better chance at recovery…
It was the hardest but probably best decision I made.

I have made attempts at recovery before both as an inpatient & living alone but this time is the finite approach to full recovery that I am determined will work & last!

My poor parents have been hit with having an adult daughter back living with them & possibly (no definitely) behaving like more of a teenager at times than I ever did during my teenage years!

Eating disorder recovery is messy, emotional & anxiety provoking.

It makes us behave in ways we would never dream of in any other situation.
It is the hardest thing we will ever do (well I hope it is!!).

My poor parents have tolerated not just tears & mild irritability – but times of full on tantrums, anger, door slamming & bean bag kicking frustration!

The annoyance & anger is never directed at them – it is me getting frustrated, angry & terrified by the eating disorder – but as they are the ones there, they are the ones who have been putting up with the worst of it.

So – I think this sign that mum got me today says it all… luckily they are able to see the lighter side…. and luckily they are incredible and show unconditional love despite all I have put them through!

I wanted to talk about this today though to show that recovery is not all cake eating, smiles and easy!

This sign might be light hearted but it is actually also the reality of how things have been in my household & I reckon the homes of most others going through eating disorder recovery too!

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